I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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