I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
