After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
