dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
