When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
