if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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