you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
as a side note pls kill me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
