you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I had to cum in my sink.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize