this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You ruined the universe
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
