Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she peed on how many people?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
