I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my being single is dangerous.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
