i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
