I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize