Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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