sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
