I hope mine doesn't look like that
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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