you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
