If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize