Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
one two three fourrrrnication!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
