I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
