I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
