at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
