I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
