I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
