You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize