somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
