He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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