ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
