And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
