It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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