I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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