My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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