rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
