We won't sleep together?
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When are your genitals available?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize