I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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