i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
