you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
