I think I just saw someone hide a body.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
