Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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