So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
