Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
