He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i think i have two assholes
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
