Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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