just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I will be naked everywhere
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
