just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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