she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
