So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I deserve this hangover.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize