So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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