you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
