i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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