So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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