the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
