hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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