You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
