Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
