I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
