omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
