how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
