Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
