omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
