hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think i got beer on your cat.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
