I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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