Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
