Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
