An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
