420 ftw
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
