I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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