Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
