i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
