When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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