don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
